Get Snipped or Leave Me the Heck Alone!

I am not usually one to air my dirty laundry on the internet, or talk about my partner’s penis  for that matter, but I feel like it is important to discuss the subject of vasectomy.  Really, I am not only talking about vasectomy I am also talking about responsibility, accountability, and respect. 

Let me explain how the above mentioned things relate to the act of surgical sterilization on the part of my partner.  After the traumatic removal of my fourth child (cesarean), I under went a Tubal ligation. Thats right, I had a proceedure meant to prevent future pregnancies. While that may seem drastic I knew that I did not want anymore children. Apparently, what my doctor referred to as “permanent birth control” is not so permanent. Actually, that proceedure only bought me two years in between baby four and baby five.

The shock of finding out I was pregnant was nothing compared to the shock I experienced when my partner of five years refused to even discuss taking some responsibility for preventing future pregnancies.  That’s right, he refused to even discuss the idea.  What are his reasons? Well, that is a hard one because he has skirted around the issue for the past 16 months. 

So far we are preventing pregnancy with determination. I am determined to avoid sex until I have written proof that he is shooting blanks, and he is determined to avoid the subject in hopes that I will change my mind.

What kills me about this is that when my parents first had “the talk” with me they warned me to be prepared and always have protection if I planned to have sex. Their reason for this, boys/men can’t be expected to be responsible for birth control since  they don’t actually get pregnant. What? They don’t have to worry about birth control because they don’t get pregnant. I disagree.

Let’s break this down. My partner gets a passionate night of hot loving, and I get to worry about preventing a pregnancy. So, I guess if the method I have chosen to prevent myself from being knocked up fails that’s my fault.  Okay, I really thought the world had come further than this. Agreeing to be the only responsible partner is like agreeing with those people who call a knocked up 17 year old a white, but cheering for the boy who was lucky enough to get in her pants.

So, I get held accountable for preventing, mainataing, or ending a pregnancy and he gets hot lovin. Wrong.

I had a surgery meant to keep me from being impregnated. Said surgery failed (I am so glad it did), so its your turn Big Daddy. I am not pumping myself full of hormones, having strange objects implanted in my uterus, or risking condom failure. 

Men are capable of respecting a woman’s right to stop having babies. Men are accountable for their actions, and should be held accountable for their lack of actions as well. It is not only a woman’s responsibility to prevent pregnancy anymore than it is a man’s responsibility to carry that child in his womb.  Buck up big fellas from what I hear a vasectomy Is not that bad. Certainly, the recovery time is easier than adding another child to an already full house!

I know men don’t really understand what pregnancy does to a woman, but seeing a loved one so desperate to not repeat pregnancy as to have already have had a surgery to prevent it should be enough to merrit a conversation. 

I stand firm on this. I would rather suffer an excrutiatingly painful, slow death via gangreen of an infected in-grown toe nail than experience pregnancy again. Five is more than enough!


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